Afraid of disappointing your parents!! Well yes, I was, But Not anymore.

Poem By Kahlil Gibran on Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

There are certain people in your life whom you want to please by doing certain things in your life. — You want to earn money. You want to earn fame. You want to have goodness.

And as I say it, all of the reasons are only to impress certain people in your life.

For me it’s family. Among all the human relationships I have, my closest one is family. I have never fallen in love deeply with anyone else, I wish but until then my greatest priority is family.

Perhaps, I am unable to see it or they don’t see it. They don’t accept me as I am. And I always have to push myself a bit more to become the best son.

But as always,

The only person hard to please in my life is my family.

I am and I have always been scared of my parents. They were always commanding, they were directing.

I am not the dominant one in my family. My younger brother is the dominant one. He leads the conversation we have. He commands, he asks, suggests. I have never done that or could do that. I have always been a quiet, womanly, soft and kind child. I learned that from my mother. I am a boy, male figure but I never have been like a man.

My parents, they take advantage of this and treat me dominantly. They still suggest me; I should do this in my life or do that.

Perhaps, I could have been the dominant one. This would have not to change. For my younger brother, the relationship with parents is obviously the same.

I don’t know, if my brother has this or not — the fear of disappointing parents. Father and mother are the one who I never wish to disappoint. I want to make them proud.

  • Distance yourself from your family.
  • Be financially independent

Both are a long way to go. I am 19. I am working on my startup idea.

Recently a typical conversation between me and my father was:

A typical conversation between me and my mother is like:

Me: I am really happy with my life and I need to work even more to go to the full potential of my being.

Mother: I think you should complete your study.

Me: I think I am taking a gap year because I want to explore, seek and out because I want to start my own business.

Father: I will invest in you only if you study.

There was this quote “you are born from your parents, not for your parents. For a moment I thought yeah this is true, Lord Buddha also disappointed his parents initially. Later he was accepted.

But, it is kind of selfish.

And this thought never fades away or never will. Whatever I do in my life there is a slight thought if I am disappointing my parents.

So finally I had to do this. Ask my parents if they are disappointed with me?

If yes then what should I do? If no, then any feedbacks they would like to give.

I had to start the talking!!

I started with my mom; I was scared of dad, so I kept him for later.

Me: Are you disappointed from me?

Mom: no I am not! Did you did anything wrong!!
Me: I was just wondering, If I have done something wrong that you do not like

Mom: this is your life; you have to live itfor yourself. What is for us.

……………………….

Me: dad, are you disappointed from me?

DAD- yes I am

Me — “silent”

Dad: “Silent”

Me: why are you disappointed?

Dad: Because I want you to be great person and you try to do something else.

Me: I am doing the same thing for me. I want you to be proud of me. Tell me what should I do?

DAD: Silent”

ME: are you angry with me!
Dad: why are you asking questions like this?

ME: (“scared”) I love you dad! I don’t want to disappoint you !
Dad: you should never disappoint anyone.

Me: Are you happy that I am your son!
Dad: NO I am not! “ DAD Smiles” (It was yes or it was no! for me it was sign of acceptance)

Me: Good night dad!!

I never had such conversation in my whole life. And how much of courage I needed, to go and ask my dad this simple question.

What I realize is — Instead of moving forward with the fear of disappointing your parents. The best thing you can do is talk to them. Listen their perspectives about your life and tell them yours. After all, they are your parents. And you are their Child!!

Thank you so much for reading!
and until next time
Bye

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Ashish Katuwal

interested in philosophy, design, video editing, computer science, and gaining new experiences.